


lemongrass and sleep

by hutaoo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cherry Blossoms, Confession, Haikyuu - Freeform, In Love, Lil Babies, M/M, Tadashi Yamaguchi, Tsukiyama - Freeform, lyric fic??, one mention of kagehina, she by dodie, soft and pure but like sort of sad at the same time, soft boyfriends, tsukishima is bad with feelings, tsukishima is basically just a homosexual, tsukishima kei - Freeform, tsukkiyama - Freeform, yamaguchi is bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:26:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28261605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hutaoo/pseuds/hutaoo
Summary: “The sakura trees are pretty arent they?” Yamaguchi opened his mouth to continue his sentence until he was cut off by a quiet almost whispered sentence uttered by the blonde, almost by impulse.“Why do you hang out with me?.” Tsukishima asked, “You could’ve had so many other good friends but you chose to stay with me, why?”Yamaguchi simply smiled. “If i told you, you wouldn’t want me around anymore.”Tsukishima looked at his friend confused, “Yama-“
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 64





	lemongrass and sleep

It was a warm afternoon, the buttery sun left streaks of pale sunshine in the occupied classroom, sakura season was expected to be coming soon, everyone was buzzing over the beautiful pink flowers that were to come. It was the main topic that was talked about and focused on around this time, Yamaguchi himself was normally one of these people but this year there was only one person that he could focus on. It was bittersweet in a way, putting all of his love into someone who could never see him in the same way Yamaguchi saw him, could never have the same sense of overwhelming love and trust he felt for his childhood friend.

How could he even begin to comprehend the way Yamaguchi’s brain seemed to melt when Tsukishima smiled at him, not the way he smirked at Hinata and Kageyama during practise, his lips that was usually set in a scowl curled into a a catlike smirk, making fun of the “idiotic duo” as he called them but when Yamaguchi somehow managed to say something funny and Tsukishima’s blank face broke into a smile, it was too much for his brain if a string of laughter followed afterwards. How could Tsukishima understand the way Yamaguchi’s heart leapt when their hands brushed whether it was during class and Tsukishima needed a pen or they switched places during a match and their hands lingered for longer then what was necessary, or his favourite, when Tsukishima really got into volleyball and his eyes gleamed with focus and the small sparkle that grew in his eyes as he watched the ball spin in the air, it’s colours reflecting in his eyes.

Spinning, spinning, spinning

and then it stopped.

_Am I allowed to look at him like that?_

It was embarrassing, truely, the surge of emotions he felt whenever his gaze made contact with the golden brown eyes of Kei Tsukishima. He was too cool, too effortlessly talented and too much potential for Yamaguchi and everyone could see it. He could see it in the way girls always looked at Tsukishima and gushed and squealed about him to each other, the way boys in their class would always invite Tsukishima to play sports with them, reluctantly allowing Yamaguchi to tag along because Tsukishima would insist. Their friendship was strange, to others it looked like a servant master friendship, Tsukishima was the leader and Yamaguchi followed. Their classmates didn’t get it, to them the obvious solution for someone in Tsukishima’s shoes would be to peel Tadashi’s vice like grip on him and flick him away like a scab but for some reason he still kept him around, allowing the brown, almost green hair of Tadashi Yamaguchi to cling onto him and follow him around even if he stated multiple times he hated it when girls would hold onto him.

 _Could it be wrong, when he’s just so nice to look at_.

Yamaguchi knew how their friendship worked, to everyone else it was staying quiet and backing the blonde up whenever he needed it, that was somewhat the truth but Yamaguchi knew that he was one of the only people who got to see the small glimpses of the hidden kind side underneath. The one who shared his food when Yamaguchi forgot his own lunch because he was running late, taking him to the nurses office when he had tripped badly and sprained his ankle during volleyball practise, staying afterwards until he could walk again. Even when he could walk perfectly fine on his own, Tsukishima still refused to let him walk alone, insisting Yamaguchi called his mum to let her know he would be staying with him for the weekend, binging Yamaguchi’s favourite show as Tsukishima looked after him as best he could.

It was the benefits he got that no one saw except him and he ate it up like a 5 course meal.

 _and he smells like lemongrass and sleep_ ,

His scent was unique to Yamaguchi, he smelt so comforting and warm to him but that might’ve just been his senses deciding to associate the taller male with something he liked because his brain wanted to. His smell was almost a physical thing, a trail that Yamaguchi could see at all times, whether it was from inside the classroom or from the sidelines, a long red line that led a path to Tsukishima.

He was too far gone and it was driving him insane, the knowledge that he could never be anything more than ‘Tsukishima’s childhood friend’.

_he tastes likes apple juice and peach_

They had been friends since childhood, Tsukishima was always as cool as he was now, standing up against bullies and having so much admiration for his brother Akiteru, he was kinder then, more willing to smile, share his feelings and emotions, his pride for his brother.

Yamaguchi wondered if confessing his feelings would’ve been easier today if that one match had never happened, if Tsukishima hadn’t insisted on seeing his brother or if Akiteru hadn’t lied to him. Tsukishima was smart, he didn’t allow emotion to take over his common sense. He knew a lot of things and had a memory that Tadashi himself was envious of, but he sometimes wonders if Tsukishima wishes he never had it at all.

Because sometimes knowledge ruins everything that has been so carefully built only to be knocked over like a pillar of salt.

_you would find him in a polaroid picture_

Yamaguchi couldn’t help but admire Tsukishima’s beauty, glasses were normally something you’d fear would make you look dorky or dumb but the blonde had somehow made it look so, so good. He only ever wore plain black frames but the simplicity of it all brought out the best features of his face, his pale eyes lined with ridiculously long eyelashes and a side profile anyone would kill to have.

In conclusion Kei Tsukishima had no visual flaws and it only added to his feelings.

_and he means everything to me…_

The soft pink petals of the newly bloomed sakura trees were scattered all over the ground, they were sitting under one of the pink trees, Tsukishima was leaning against the wood, his arms crossed and his headphones around his neck, Tadashi was surprised on how much Tsukishima left his headphones off around lunch these days. They were talking about volleyball, Kageyama and Hinata had just run past, Hinata was holding a carton that he assumed was Kageyamas.

Tsukishima scoffed at them and started murmuring how dumb they were, Tadashi nodded but his mind was somewhere else.

Hinata and Kageyama were complicated, they were beasts on the court and them working as partners was frightening because they just seemed to understand each other without even communicating, even off the court Hinata understood every little body movement Kageyama made that no one else could even hope to pick up and in return Kageyama understood Hinata, they were almost soulmates, their thoughts and actions entwined like the string of fate.

One small action and Hinata seemed to understand why Kageyama was upset or happy or annoyed and they’d go to a corner to talk about it, their fingers linking loosely together as they spoke. They never felt the need to hide anything from each other, they never even had to ask each other out, it was just a mutual thing they both agreed on.

Tadashi remembers how it happened, the pair were walking together when Sugawara came over to tease them about it, instead of getting flustered and Kageyama abusing the third year with words, the two simply looked at each other and nodded before going off to practise a new move they had learned.

What he would do for him and Tsukishima to be the same way.

_i’d never tell, no i’d never say a word_

He rested his palm on his cheek, as he watched the back of Tsukishima’s head from across the room, if he could just find the words to match with his feelings maybe he could find a better way to get around this crush, but whenever he built himself up with confidence and told himself

This is the time! i’m going to tell him how i feel and i won’t have to hide it anymore, maybe he’ll even say yes.

But one look at Tsukishima and his confidence collapsed like it was never there in the first place.

_One day, when this is all over, I'll tell you and it’ll all be ok._

_and though it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt_..

Tsukishima pulled his headphones into his ears, he watched Yamaguchi look up and gently sigh to himself.

_and storytime…_

He pushed one headphone off one of his ears, no music played on the one that still covered his other ear but Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi normally spoke his mind when the headphones were on, he always assumed Tsukishima couldn’t hear him it was when he was the most open.

 _and fall_ …

“What if one day you just leave me behind and find someone better.”

Both boys were silent for the rest of the night.

_but to him, I taste of nothing at all_

Guilt overwhelmed Tsukishima, why didn’t he say something, why didn’t he attempt to console his childhood friend. Was he too scared too? that was foolish thinking he could never be too scared of anything.

He had thought of something, something to say but no words came out.

_“I’d never leave you behind, if i’m honest i’m more scared of you finding someone better that you can be proper friends with instead of me, i’m scared one day you’ll realise i’m not a good friend and understand you deserve better then whatever we have going on. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be better for you, i’m sorry that I am selfish and don’t want to let you go when it would probably be best for both of us.”_

_and he means everything to me_

“Are you ok Tsukki you’ve been quiet all day?”

“Just thinking.”

“You only go quiet like this when you're upset? Did Kageyama say something?”

“No.”

“Bad grade?”

“No.”

“Tsukki you can tell me anything and you know that, don’t you?”

Tsukishima paused, Yamaguchis words were so painfully sweet he had to stop to let his brain properly process it.

“Yeah i know.”

Yamaguchi nodded and stopped to wait with Tsukishima. “The sakura trees are pretty aren’t they?” Yamaguchi opened his mouth to continue his sentence until he was cut off by a quiet almost whispered sentence uttered by the blonde, almost by impulse.

“Why do you hang out with me?.” Tsukishima asked, “You could’ve had so many other good friends but you chose to stay with me, why?”

Yamaguchi simply smiled. “If i told you, you wouldn’t want me around anymore.”

Tsukishima looked at his friend confused, “Yama-“

“I’m in love with you, ever since we were kids, you saved me countless times.” Yamaguchis hands stayed in his pockets, presumably trembling as he rambled on, light shining in his eyes. “you’re mean. rude and don’t try when you should but i still fell in love with you, you, Tsukishima Kei mean everything to me. I’ve accepted that i’m just your friend, maybe i won’t be after this, but i’d like you to know.”

Tsukishima paused again, no words coming from his mouth as he stared into his friends eyes, Yamaguchi was beginning to tear up after silence continued to grow between them. Tsukishima said nothing and Yamaguchi took this as a rejection.

He looked away before walking ahead as quickly as possible, only being stopped by Tsukishimas steady hand on his shoulder.

“I think i love you too.”

_yes, he means everything to me_

His pale hand dug deeper into Yamaguchi's shoulder, desperation setting into his touch.

Sakura petals began to fly across the silent air between them, taking in the rebirth of how they saw one another in this moment, the pink flowers landing and sticking itself onto their hair and faces.

Tsukishima grabbed a flower from the air, looking at the delicate petals and held it towards Yamaguchi.

“Would you like to go out with me?”

Yamaguchi seemed to remain in shock, only being able to nod as he watched the blonde tuck the flower behind his ear.

“I’m glad.”

Their hands intertwined with each other after a long while of happy tears from both ends ( tsukishima would never admit it though ) as they continued on their walk home, the Sakura blossoms maneuvering their way through the air as they two boys walked beneath the pink canopies. Their overlooking eyes watching as they stopped for a short moment again, their lips touching for a moment, a treasured moment as the soft scent of the cherry blossoms wafted around them.

Tsukishima lightly touched Yamaguchi's face as they pulled apart.

Foreheads resting gently on eachother.

Tsukishima would go back to being a jerk tomorrow so Yamaguchi knew to enjoy and remember this moment as best as he could.

He means everything to me.

**Author's Note:**

> shaoxnek she by dodie is godtier, also sakura trees i think yes, there’s so much symbolism in them it hurts
> 
> i also wrote the last bit without my glasses so 😍🙏


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